I bear a charmed life

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

YIKES! So it's been quite a while, eh? If this means anything, I have been thinking about my blog a lot. But, it doesn't mean anything, because I haven't been writing, have I? So. I wanted to quickly update any of you still with me--before my little blog drops off the face of the Earth. Which I'm trying not to let happen. I have some scheduled posts/ideas coming up, but I'll keep my new plan to myself so no one can know if I don't follow through. :D

Anyway, my life has become pretty stellar and I haven't blogged about any of the new, exciting changes that have come my way.

First, I'm happy to report that I am expecting. Expecting a good night's sleep, that is! Ha. Ha. Ha (knee sleep). Seriously kidding--although I'm sure the majority of you would hardly believe that I'm pregnant. I'm pretty sure I tried to trick my parents with that one April Fools' and they were just like, "Uh huhh, suuure, okay Jenny," and then burst into laughter and hung up on me. Welcome to my life.

So, why am I expecting such good sleep? Let's talk about this new leaf I've turned over. Some details to catch you up, about things that have happened and are continuing to happen:

-I'm kicking ass and taking names at graduate school, working very hard to not let the reverse happen. That line is very thin, y'all. I got a partial-tuition scholarship for next quarter because of my GPR, which is in no small part due to my daily offerings to the Graduate School Gods (one less hour of regular sleep, eye bags, and caffeine dependency. Seriously occult, right?).

-Also slightly related to school: I am writing and reading even more than ever, and not just superficially. These days I spend a lot of mental energy on deconstructing a lot of literature, talking about it in a meaningful way, and then working through my own mind to write the narratives that matter most to me and craft my words to the best of my ability. In a way, all these books (even more than usual!) allow me to spend time in the minds of brilliant people who had such great ideas--and could articulate them impossibly, terrifically.

-A professor I really respect made a comment about my writing, and let me know that I could actually do this professionally. Um. Excuse me, while I go vomit in a basket. I feel so weird about it, and not in a negative way at all--like, I've gone along this whole time, with all these stories, and all these scraps and notebooks filled with my bizarre ideas and characters, and sometimes I put them together in a coherent way, and yeah the end dream is being a writer, but wait. Someone who doesn't love me and writes books said I could seriously do it, too? I need to lie down.
-It's been set in stone that I will continue at my YCA internship through next year, graduating from "intern" to "assistant"--and getting a bit of money, too. I've started seeing, in small part, the real results (read: money) of my work. I enjoy it more and more each time, and am learning so much.

-I GOT ANOTHER INTERNSHIP. Am I crazy? Probably. But no--hear me out. In addition to my other responsibilities, I now intern at Booklist Magazine, a literary review. People, this is actual, real world experience in the freaking publishing industry. I know, it's not Wall Street or Vogue or some other exciting thing (it's BOOKS for crying out loud), but I am over the moon because I honestly did not expect to get this. That's saying something, because I am usually overconfident in my professional abilities and am sadly identical to this approach to interviews:

So, in an even greater capacity than before, I get to be in the company of older, wiser people who love what they are doing for a living, and even more than that, are doing what I would love to do for a living. I have another supercool, supernice boss and I get to work with thousands of books. Books on books on books. Oh, and you know, just really awesome editors and paid writers and stuff. This week I'm taking a stab at writing a book review. Wish me luck!

(Another thing: one of my favorite Young Adult authors once had this same exact position I am in. If you have a few minutes, take a look at one of his videos because he's talking about exactly what I'm doing. Plus, it's a thoughtful, inspirational video on growing up.)

To be honest, this most recent development has flabbergasted me. I find it hard to talk about all this in a non-braggy way, because I don't know how to articulate all my emotions: that I feel like I've worked really hard, and so many wonderful things/blessings/dreams have happened to me just in this year, but I don't want to believe the correlation, but I do, but mostly I am taken away with the many blessings that have come my way (I should mention I'm not religious).

The state I am in is a big change from when I first moved out here, when I was very stressed, lonely, and unhappy. This is the part where you come up for air. I can look back just a few months and see where I kept my head down, allowed myself a broken moment or two, and then kept going. When you're in it, it's hard to understand that it's temporary. But now I can't help but pay respect to the low, to the not-so-sunny points in your life, because it makes you strong, it makes you value patience and work. And it makes the sweet parts that much sweeter.

But, you still have to keep your head down. Something that has always guided me, that has always kept me an optimist--happiness is a choice, and a happy life doesn't mean a life of ease. You have to work, and work hard. I do bear this charmed life, but I'm not settling here. I have to keep going.

Still, a small victory dance for now: because it is so good to wake up at the crack of dawn, and be genuinely excited about every day. It is so good to be busy, and responsible, and have purpose and direction. It is so good to come home late at night, finally, and see the coffee cup and torn sugar packets on the counter, and be struck by the size of my day, to feel the hours I have spent alive and think of the spaces I have occupied and the people I have spoken with and everything else contained in the moments since the coffee cup. It is so good to fall into bed, then sleep, ready and eager to do it all again at the crack of dawn.

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